It all started out during dinner an hour ago. My dad was at work and my sister had finished eating in half the amount of time a normal person takes, so it was just my mom and I. I was talking about how I was irritated because I was so bored. See, I was supposed to go to my friend's house to sleepover but she called this morning saying that she was sick. This sleepover was going to be one of the highlights of my week-long break. I was telling my mom about how I didn't really have anything to do but homework and the rare outing this week and her advice? "Then you should have made more friends." What I said back to her? "I don't really like people." And this is where I had some realizations. I've ALWAYS said that I don't like people but as I spoke further, I had to think about WHY I really don't like people. I said things like, "People at my school are stupid and there aren't any people who really share interests with me."
And it's true! They ARE stupid! All I see at school and on Facebook is "UGH! I hate my life!", "insert emo lyrics here", "DRINKING ALL NIGHT! text <3", "Playing with knives! Didn't know they were so sharp! I cut myself! But I'm better than fine!", "I need a boyfriend!", "You think you know a person and then they just stab you in the back... :( Don't text." And it goes on and on and on.
My internal monologue: 'I don't care if you hate your life and neither does most of Facebook! Call your freaking best-friend for advice, or get some professional help! Is this really something you put on Facebook? Are you LOOKING for pity? Cry me a river! Drinking all night? Hm. YOU'RE COOL. Would you like a side of disaster with that bottle? Oh, you didn't know knives were that sharp? And uhm, what is you're IQ? A 10? Aaaaand, why are you bragging about it? Wow, you try WAAAAYYYY too hard. Oh, you need a boyfriend? How many is that this month? This WEEK in fact? And how many times have I seen the same Facebook update from you? DON'T VOICE YOUR STUPID, CHILDISH DRAMA ON FACEOOK! NO ONE CARED BUT YOU AND THE PEOPLE INVOLVED!!!!!'
But then it's also the way people act too. I'm friendly to everybody but on the inside I'm churning. There are the narrow-minded, douches that voice nothing but stereotypes and have that Holier-Than-Thou attitude and then there are the sluts who wear a mini-skirt and a see-through shirt in the middle of winter and then there are the kids who smell of drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes. The list goes on and on. Most of these people don't think of anything outside of their little world and are so inconsiderate that it gets on my nerves.
These people don't share interests with me. I'm going to study abroad for a year in France soon and when I tell people that aren't close to me I hear responses like, "Why? You'll have to learn a different language and eat weird food and have to actually GO TO SCHOOL in a different country." And I think, 'Wow. You don't think all of that would be interesting? And experience of a lifetime?' And when I try to express my love of books, they don't understand because the only time that they've ever cracked a book is for a school assignment, IF they even do the homework. Why do I need more friends when I have already found all of the people that I can tolerate in this school district? These very few people that I have found understand many things about me and share many of my interests.
So, I sit in class and look around at the sea of uninteresting, stupid people and think of greater things, outside of the building, and outside of the district. It's the same thing with the community as well. I look around and see all of the boring adults going about their boring, and totally normal lives. You can find the same type of people anywhere. There isn't much variation.
And so, when my parents call me unconscious I don't tell them, but I'm arguing in my mind, telling them that I was dreaming of far away places, being away from all of these jaded people, exploring a people and place that is not normal in my boring birthplace.
Hana
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